Lessons from a tree

How I Learned to Let Go

Photo Credit: Chellie Grossman

I went for a walk and noticed the path covered with pine needles and brown leaves, a sign of change that the earth is covering up and preparing for the chill of the next few months.  There are fewer birds.  Now I hear silence instead of their song. They seem to have flown to warmer environments.  The trees, steady and strong, remain rooted and unashamed of their nakedness.  I imagine their whispers saying “change is normal.  Letting go is the process.  This is life.”  

Just a few weeks ago I walked this same path.  Then, the trees branches were lush and vibrant.  Now they are growing bare.  As I look up I am in awe of the ease at which each tree let go.  No grasping.  No clinging.  No fighting to keep its last leaf.  Each leaf that has grown is meant to let go and move on, and still the trees are here.  Silently loving and waiting to receive the next generation of leaves.  

Now, standing in a tree pose with my arms lifted to the cerulean blue sky I plant my feet firmly on this pebble path to honor the trees.  My heart whispers to them “I am here.  I stand firm, grounded and rooted here with you.”  Trees have taught me much about grounding and grace.  About being patient and how to relax into the cold chill of discomfort.  

Trees have taught me how to let go.  

I began my yoga practice thirteen years ago.  My physical practice of yoga and moving into tree position helps embody the lessons of the tree.  When I need to create balance in my life or feel rooted to myself “tree pose” remains my go to position.  This one position offers balance, challenge, and the ability to feel rooted to myself and the world around. The line by Joyce Kilmer from his poem “Trees” is often in my mind while moving into this position “A tree that looks at Gd all day and lifts her leafy arms to pray.”  These words echo in my mind as I lift my arms and undergo a deep spiritual connection between earth beneath me and Universe above and around me.  No matter how much I lose, I remain grounded in my faith, my values and my will to persevere…just like a tree.  

It wasn’t long ago that I struggled with this “letting go”.  After being diagnosed with PTSD from a traumatic accident I held onto people in my life because everything in my life felt out of control.  Letting go felt like the scariest thing.  Something I was not ready or capable of doing.  Not then, not yet.  I over identified with labels like daughter, sister, mother, and friend.   I over-identified with the label of PTSD and disability.   I had no idea who I was.  It took me a long time to let go of these labels and learn to discover me.  I had to learn to be like a tree unashamed of my metaphoric nakedness.  Standing label-less in front of the world and learning to love myself.  

Holding on to anything or anyone too much, too tightly causes pain.  This “holding on” to whatever it is creates a form of identity.  There were many times I chose to cling to pain, worry, fear, or anger.  This only hurt me further.  Thich Nhat Hanh authors many books about learning non-attachment.  I learned only by not -attaching to the pain, identity, experience, or people can I truly be happy.  Once I learned to accept the physical and emotional pain as part of me I was able to live with it differently and thus able to let go of anger and resentment.  Learning to let go in many areas of my life has been one of the most difficult and greatest lessons.  

Letting go does not mean someone else “wins”. Instead, it means you become healthier and happier. It means there is more space in your own life for joy. It took me a long time to learn this. It took me a long time to learn how the not letting go was physically harming me. So really, letting go is an act of self-love. It says “I love myself enough to let go of anything or anyone who hurts me.” Some of us let go of children, parents, spouses, or partners. Some of us let go of false identities. Some of us let go of judgments we hold of ourselves or others. There are so many opportunities to explore “letting go”.

Each time I walk and notice the trees, I am humbly grateful for all of their lessons.  I never stop learning and it is always a daily practice which is why I stop and get into my “tree pose” to honor the trees that have taught me patience, kindness, persistence and love while learning to let go.

Maybe the next time you see the world spinning fast around you and find it difficult to accept all the changes in your life, maybe you can remember the wisdom of the tree.

• Stand tall and strong: Shift your position to a tall stance and ground your feet toward the earth.  Feel the strength in your whole body.  Remind yourself of this strong energy.  You are strong and capable to withstand more than you know.  

• Remain rooted:  Think of your values.  What do your values say about you?  Remain rooted in who you are.  

• Let Go with Love: Letting go is a form of love.  Release the need to cling, or grasp or control.  Let go of fear, anger, worry, hurt, and regret.  Let go of people pleasing.  Let go of over-identification with labels.  Let go of pain. Let go of suffering.  Let go of anything that no longer brings you joy. In it’s place remind yourself you deserve love, peace, and happiness.  Remind yourself you love yourself (even if this doesn’t sound authentic, it will one day.)

• Patiently Wait: With patience you develop resilience, persistence and have better focus to understand yourself and your needs.

 Thank you so much for being one of my readers.  I appreciate you and your time.  

Together, lets Learn, Grow and Thrive

Chellie